I came back to work this week after being out for 6 weeks of maternity leave. My second child was born via c-section and I felt like I spent most of my leave recovering from surgery instead of enjoying my new baby. This made coming back to work harder then it was when my son was born.
I only go into my office a few days a week so on that first morning, the sky still full of the previous nights stars, I was filled with a mix of excitement (today I will wear cloths no one will throw up on and have adult conversations) and nervous energy (what if they decided they didn't need me while I was away). My commute is a long one and I was on the road for over an hour and a half before the sun started to rise. My mind shifted back to home and I could see my husband getting our son up, feeding him breakfast while the baby wiggled and fussed in the swing nearby.
And I felt jealous - I wish I could stay home with our kids and be the one who kissed their boo boos and made their lunches. But more I felt relieved - today no one would depend on me for anything they couldn't also do themselves. Then I felt guilty - the dichotomy of being a full time worker and mom more prevalent today then normal.
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