The most important thing

I got some bad news about my grandfather last night. At 92 his body is now in rapid decline and is being admitted to the hospital. As someone in their 30's I know how lucky I am to still have 3 biological and 2 step grandparents living. Most of friends have none. I think though because of not just their longevity but also their good health I have become spoiled. Taken for granted that they will always be there, because they always have. My grandfather has seen me graduate high school and college, go through numerous jobs before settling at a good firm where I have been for almost 10 years now. Seen me get married twice and give birth to two beautiful children. He has been to my house and given me advice on how to get rid of my crab grass (I just thought it was grass) and just last summer I sat with him and my grandmother, my son, my husband and my brother on the porch of their summer home and ate crab sandwiches my grandmother had made for our visit.

We talked about politics and the stock market and the impending birth of my daughter and as we drove away I never questioned that I might not sit with him on that porch again. I have taken that time for granted. That has been my mistake because time is the thing I can not get back.

I know I am a culprit of it, spent to much time wishing away days, weeks, months to get to something - a vacation, a holiday, a big presentation at work, the birth of my children. And something I have been working on for a few years...to be able to just enjoy time. And so when I got home last night at 9:30 I spent a few minutes watching my son sleep in his crib. I took the puppy out for an "extra" walk. I stayed up later then I should have catching up on the days events with my husband. And then I scooped up my sleeping daughter from her swing and brought her into bed with me my body curled in a C around hers.

And I flash back to that last lunch. How easy it was to spend the afternoon and then drive away. How easy to pretend that time won't change things. And I see my own children, growing up so quickly and know if we are lucky there will be a time in the future where they will be the ones driving away. Maybe if I recognize time as my most valuable possession I won't take it for granted anymore.

I do not really need all these fancy things...

High-end car. Flat screen tv. Big house. Brand name clothing. Smart phone. iPad. Extravagant vacations... Why do we long for such trinkets and treasures?

I wonder what it would be like to have been my age and be raising a family a couple of decades ago?

It's not that I don't love my job, or feel satisfaction from a hard days work. It's nice to have something that is just mine during the course of a day.

That being said, I love my kids more. I wish I didn't "want" so many things.
But I guess it's natural to long for what everyone around you has. It doesn't make wanting materialistic things rational. It is simply just the reality.

I want my kids to have the things my parents couldn't give me. I want to expose them to various experiences and places. I want them to have a better life.

But, on the other-hand, when it comes down to what really matters, you need love, family, shelter, clothing and food.

The "common reality" of having a duo working household making for less of a burden on just one person, man or woman, may just be a cruel illusion.

The realization I'm coming to appreciate is that we can make our own reality...

We just have to separate the things in life we "need" versus the things in life we merely just "want".

Little Girls, Little Girls....

(the title should be song as in the Musical Annie )

As someone who loves language I spend a lot of time thinking about words. What they really mean. How we use them incorrectly to the point that they take on new meaning. The word decimate for example is used today to describe when one side destroys another in sports or war. When in fact to decimate means to take out 10% of an opponents troops/players/members. Which for the most part would not be that big of a deal. But I digress...

Having children has made think even more about words. Should I swear in front of my children? (Probably not but I do, frequently). Should I parrot the words they mispronounce back to them? (I am not sure what the party line is on this but I don't). Should I use cute shortened words for things - baba for bottle for example? (Again not sure the right answer, but I hate myself every time I do.) Words are important and I want my kids to hear real ones. And I want them to hear the right ones.

At a recent gathering of friends everyone kept commenting on how smart my son was and how beautiful my daughter was. How strong my son was, and how pretty my little girl looked in her dress. She did look pretty and my son is strong (and smart) but why are those descriptors chosen for the genders? Not long after I came across this article: How to talk to little girls and it has changed how I talk to my daughter.

I want her to hear that she is beautiful, but also that she is smart, strong, patient, caring. That she is clever, funny and talented. As she grows up there are plenty of people who will judge her first on her looks, on her weight, on her clothes and who will tear her down if she is not conventionally pretty, thin and stylish. So I ask people when they spend time with her to compliment her on other things...usually the same things they compliment her brother on...

When we think about the words we use with our children, let's remember that just like they will pick up the swear words mommy uses when she drives they will pick up on the other words we use. They will internalize them. And we have a chance now, when they are young, to build them up so as they grow they will know they are more then a pretty smile.

What I Want for My Daughter

I love my kids equally. And I know they will both have struggles and tough times that have nothing to do with their genders. But I also know that because my son is male he will on average make 30% more then his sister if they go into the same profession. That because he is male he will have access to opportunities that she will not. That because he is male he will be able to have his work and his kids and not have to worry about being put on the "mommy track" at work. I am not a feminist...but I am also not blind.

For her, I want her to be confident enough to stand alone. To believe in herself enough to go after her dreams even when the cheering section is empty. To not define herself through the eyes of a man. To see her beauty when she looks in the mirror not her flaws. To know the sound of her own voice. To trust in her mind. To be "I" and not "we". To enter into relationships as a whole person, not a half seeking their whole.

It is why I tell her every day how strong she is before I tell her how beautiful and how smart she is, before I tell her how pretty.

Hi my name is... And I am addicted to Pinterest.

So I have a new addiction apparently.
I'm not sure if I am alone in this, or the first person to admit the I even have a problem. I can't help myself. I give into my craving at least 2-3 times a day. I go online at work during lunch, I use the app on my phone, and check my laptop at night after I put the girls to bed. In fact I'm counting the minutes until I'm done writing this blog entry so that I can quench my thirst for pinning once I click "post".

That's right people, I'm addicted to Pinterest. It is AWESOME. And I'm not ashamed to admit it!

For those of you not familiar with the virtual pin board, social network of a site inbox me for an invite ;0)

But this is pretty much how it works:
1. Invite only network (you can request one on the homepage or through a friend who already pins)

2. Create your boards by category (ex: things for the house, my dream closet, travel destinations, recipes, and so on)

3. Search your interests & "like" or "pin/repin" till your little hearts content.

I have boards for everything! Party ideas, travel spots, crafts, clothes I'd love to own but can not afford... The list goes on and on.

I can't help myself. The benefits are endless! Just this past weekend I found an idea for a kids drive in movie night. All I needed was card board boxes big enough for the little kiddies to sit in and crayons with a glue stick. They decorated their cars and purchased their concessions with the play money I supplied. And off to the drive in they went to watch Happy Feet. Brilliant! And they LOVED it!

How can my addiction be stopped? Why should it? It helps me stay organized with event planning, recipe ideas and crafts for the kids. It even helps curb my guilty pleasure of buying things I don't need and can't afford.

Totally a win win. I highly suggest trying it ;0)

Why yesterday was a NO GOOD, absolutely terrible, VERY bad day!

How can a day immediately start off bad? I can not understand the logic behind the phrase "waking up on the wrong side of the bed". Why would anyone choose to wake up on the bad side?

The ironic thing is that I can not for the life of me remember specific things that made yesterday SO terrible. I just remember how I felt.

I began my commute home feeling emotionally exhausted from my long day at work, completely and totally ready for bed. I have a routine that I follow with the girls and cleaning up the house before we shut everything down for the night. I DID NOT follow the routine last night.

For the first time ever, I said "screw it!" I put the kids to bed and shut off the lights. In a way I felt liberated. I actually did something I wanted to do AND not something I had to do.

I did not understand why I was so tired, so moody, feeling self pity. Honestly, I never really have the time to consider my state of mind. I just keep going.

Well, the answer to the mystery of my day became very apparent right before I went to bed: I was riding the crimson wave.

AWESOME!

If I had a $100 million dollars....

So yesterday a coworker and I were discussing what we'd do if we ever won the lottery. Who hasn't ever thought about this right?

Well for starters, I'd call into work dead (aka: I'm NEVER coming back yo'). Next, I'd give some to my church.... I know a lot of people say this, but seriously, I really would.

After my obligatory donation, I'd pay off my mortgage and set up trust funds for my kids.

Now before all the "creepers" who claim to be my long list cousins come out of the wood work, I'd go on vacation with my entire family and a few select friends (after all what fun is it without an entourage?) And we'd be gone for like a year...

Now we're talking right? The hubby and I would pick up the kids in a limo from school, and head straight to the airport. This family is now a first class family y'all! No more flying 4 hours with a complete stranger sitting on this Momma's lap.... and don't forget the complimentary champagne ;0)

First stop, Disney for not 1, but 2 fun filled weeks of whatever our little hearts desire! Staying in my all time dream resort...The Grand Floridian baby!

After Disney, it's tutors for the kiddies so that they may accompany the hubby and I to Atlantis in the Bahamas!
Then, onto Italy.... Paris.... And to the kangaroos down under. What better way to educate your children than real life experiences?

Once the travel bug has subsided, its time to hire a personal trainer and chef to help this Momma permanently kick her extra pounds (Liposuction creeps me out).

Now, I start my foundation for early education (SO important)! I love planning events to raise money.... And now that I have lots of it, what better way to spend my free time?

Now don't go thinking I'm completely selfless, I would TOTALLY buy my all time dream bag... The LV 3500 White multi-color monogram SPEEDY with red suede interior lining, BUT OF COURSE!!!!

What would you do... hmmmm?

Oh the things kids say...

My son woke up from his nap yesterday and was talking in his crib. Suddenly the talk turned into yells first for "dada". (He was walking the dog). Then to "nana" (she does not live with us). then to "PopPop" (also not someone who lives with us). Then "mama" and so I dried my hands and headed toward the nursery when suddenly the cries stopped.

Then in a quiet voice he called out "Jackcat?" (our cat's name obviously). I feel pretty good that I got called for before the cat...but pretty bad that I had clearly left him in his crib for so long he was reaching out to the pets for help.

Are my kids the only ones in the world who never stop complaining?

I swear, no matter where my children are taken, no matter what they are given, no matter how much time I spend with them... It's never enough.

"I didn't want to come HERE for lunch, I wanted to go to Bertucci's!",
"Why do you always give HER everything?" or "You promised you would take ME THERE TODAY!"

Now mark my words, I NEVER say the phrase "I promise" unless I know I can deliver. This is a phrase my oldest daughter likes to throw out at whim in an effort to get whatever she wants. NOT HAPPENING!

I'm so sick of it. Now I love my kids more than anything, but I'm not about to raise two "Italian Princesses". I was taught to eat what I'm given, be thankful my parents could afford to take me out to eat at all, let alone to the place of my choice.... And were strictly for Birthdays or Holidays.

It's as if my two children were handed a manual on "How To Push My Mommy's Buttons".

When they are born they are cute and loving. They love to snuggle and sit with you. They think you, the parent, are the greatest thing in the world. And before you know it, you "ruined their life" or you "love their sister more than them".

BUT... There are also those rewarding moments. Like watching them experience something for the first time, or having them greet you at the door when you've had a horrible day.

Either way you can't live with them sometimes... BUT you for sure could NEVER live without them!