The Value of the Early Morning

I am not a morning person.  Never have been.  Left to my own devices I would happily sleep until noon on the weekends.  But my kids love the mornings.  The earlier the better. And so now I too wake up before 6 to change diapers, retrieve children from their respective rooms and start the day.  Here's the win: before work today I:

• got both kids up and changed
• settled my son on the couch with his blanket and milk while I fed his sister
• engaged both children with the same toy and watched them almost play together
• made french toast with my son (he helped to stir and add the cinnamon and nutmeg)
• sat at the table like a grown up and ate the french toast with both kids
• snuggled with my daughter while my son colored

all before 8am.  I had no guilt about working today.

F is for Visiting Family and Friends

When my kids got mobile my whole world changed.  It meant I had to make sure they couldn't eat anything they shouldn't, EVERYTHING became a choking hazard and everything seemed dangerous.  So, like most parents I turned my house (or at least part of it) into a kid safe zone.  But what about when they go other places?  Here are 5 ways to keep your kids safe and happy when visiting homes that haven't been childproofed!

1. Bring your own milk and/or juice.  Don't assume that people will have it at their house.  We usually stop at a gas station and buy those 1 serving milk/juice bottles and then stick them in the fridge when we arrive.  The distraction of a bottle or sippy cup does wonders.

2. Bring an easy to transport toy.  We don't travel with my sons building blocks, but we will bring one puzzle or one of his toy trucks.

3. Assume there will be no good place to change a diaper.  Make sure you have something to put under them to protect wherever you do change them

4. Use distraction well.  Your child focused on the stone fireplace and chimney? Time to go outside to run around the big tree!

5. Ask for help.  Is your child obsessed with stuffing things in electrical outlets?  Bring some covers with you and ask your host to place them in the room your child will be in mostly.

And remember, learning to exist in environments outside the home is important.  For you and your child!

E is for Eating with Toddlers

My son went from being an adventurous, try anything eater to a kid who prefers to say "no" without opening his mouth.  So through trial and error I came up with 4 ways that made meal time more enjoyable for all of us

1. Know what they do like.  In my house we love pretzels. My son would eat them for every meal and snack if I let him.  So I know most of the time the promise of just one Utz pretzel will make him eat a little of almost anything.

2. "Dipping sauce".  This is key in our house.  My son will eat just about anything if he can dip it in something first.  It doesn't matter what.  Strawberries into ketchup, squash into maple syrup.  A small pool of dipping sauce goes along way.

3. Changing the view.  When he was younger it didn't matter to him what his high chair looked at.  Now, we found he eats better when he is facing the table and we are all eating together.  He is more likely to eat more and sit longer if he is watching us eat as well.

4. Sometimes you just have to give them what they want.  Yesterday for example my son refused to eat anything but pretzels or yogurt puffs.  Last month this would have made me crazy...I would have tried everything to get him to eat something healthy.  Sure enough, today he woke up and ate fresh tomatoes with french toast and strawberries for breakfast, housed a tuna sandwich for lunch, ate a snack of veggie sticks in a little ranch dipping sauce and is already looking around for dinner.

Mommy is trying SO hard NOT to lose her $h!T!

Ever feel like screaming so loud you'd lose your voice, want to pull your hair out, or beat your head against the wall?

These desires were mine this morning.

Let me first say that I LOVE MY CHILDREN TO DEATH! They are my first and last breath of the day. BUT the drive me FU&$!&G CRAZY!

I so desperately do not want to take my six year old's child like dreams and happiness away from her. BUT, there is a fine line between being non-stop silly and putting laughter on pause to listen and understand simple instructions.

Lately it seems that everything to my six year old is a big joke. AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!

I try so hard to utilize every ounce of patience in my body when listening to each laugh or giggle. I think to myself, "How hard is it to just get dressed?" I mean for crying out lout, my daughter has a better wardrobe selection than Macy's, and STILL she complains she has nothing to wear. BUT, no matter how eclectic my daughter's clothing selection, sometimes Mommy has to take a deep breath and walk out of the room... So that Mommy doesn't completely lose her $h!T!

I keep telling myself, "She is only six", "Cut her some slack", "Her silliness is part of who she is". If only she would take SOMETHING seriously.

My daughter wakes up giggling, laughs at her own jokes, and continuously shares these rituals with others. All of the previously mentioned things are beautiful parts of her personality. I'm happy she has such a positive outlook on life. That being said, these qualities also make it difficult for her to stay focused on getting herself dressed and ready for school in the morning. She
would rather share her latest adventure with me than finish her breakfast.

But I wonder if we the adults are the ones with the problem. We are always focused on what comes next. We try so hard to stick to a routine or schedule. Hurrying from one place to the next, we never really stop and live in the moment. We don't allow ourselves to completely let go and enjoy what is going on around us.

Maybe, just maybe...if we try to channel our inner child, our giggles and laughter... Maybe we could stop and be silly instead of completely losing our $h!T!

B is for Books at Bedtime

I don't have a lot of time at bedtime unless I am going to keep my little guy up past his bedtime.  So creating a meaningful routine is hard.  Ours centers around books.  I make him up his bottle and he gets his blanket and stuffed animal of choice and gets to pick 3 books.

We read the classics, Goodnight Moon and The Very Hungry Caterpillar.  But lately he has been going to ones I had not previously been familiar with.  This week we have read Duck on a Bike a wonderful story where he can make animal sounds.

But my favorite part of our bedtime routine is after his three books he curls up in my lap and drinks his bottle and we read Goodnight NOLA.  I can recite the book by heart, and my little guy loves it so much that I have decided to buy these Goodnight books every time we travel to a new place that has them.  It seems like a great way to help a child remember all the places they visit.  And they are perfect for bedtime.

For my daughter

I hope that you are confident enough to follow your dreams. And know that if the man or woman you choose to be with belittles them, doesn't support them, or won't follow you/wait for you while you pursue them doesn't deserve the greatness that is you. And that you are strong enough to chose your dreams over that person...because the opportunities we have to chase our dreams don't always come back around...and I want your life to be full of fulfilled dreams, not empty regret.

The most important thing

I got some bad news about my grandfather last night. At 92 his body is now in rapid decline and is being admitted to the hospital. As someone in their 30's I know how lucky I am to still have 3 biological and 2 step grandparents living. Most of friends have none. I think though because of not just their longevity but also their good health I have become spoiled. Taken for granted that they will always be there, because they always have. My grandfather has seen me graduate high school and college, go through numerous jobs before settling at a good firm where I have been for almost 10 years now. Seen me get married twice and give birth to two beautiful children. He has been to my house and given me advice on how to get rid of my crab grass (I just thought it was grass) and just last summer I sat with him and my grandmother, my son, my husband and my brother on the porch of their summer home and ate crab sandwiches my grandmother had made for our visit.

We talked about politics and the stock market and the impending birth of my daughter and as we drove away I never questioned that I might not sit with him on that porch again. I have taken that time for granted. That has been my mistake because time is the thing I can not get back.

I know I am a culprit of it, spent to much time wishing away days, weeks, months to get to something - a vacation, a holiday, a big presentation at work, the birth of my children. And something I have been working on for a few years...to be able to just enjoy time. And so when I got home last night at 9:30 I spent a few minutes watching my son sleep in his crib. I took the puppy out for an "extra" walk. I stayed up later then I should have catching up on the days events with my husband. And then I scooped up my sleeping daughter from her swing and brought her into bed with me my body curled in a C around hers.

And I flash back to that last lunch. How easy it was to spend the afternoon and then drive away. How easy to pretend that time won't change things. And I see my own children, growing up so quickly and know if we are lucky there will be a time in the future where they will be the ones driving away. Maybe if I recognize time as my most valuable possession I won't take it for granted anymore.

Little Girls, Little Girls....

(the title should be song as in the Musical Annie )

As someone who loves language I spend a lot of time thinking about words. What they really mean. How we use them incorrectly to the point that they take on new meaning. The word decimate for example is used today to describe when one side destroys another in sports or war. When in fact to decimate means to take out 10% of an opponents troops/players/members. Which for the most part would not be that big of a deal. But I digress...

Having children has made think even more about words. Should I swear in front of my children? (Probably not but I do, frequently). Should I parrot the words they mispronounce back to them? (I am not sure what the party line is on this but I don't). Should I use cute shortened words for things - baba for bottle for example? (Again not sure the right answer, but I hate myself every time I do.) Words are important and I want my kids to hear real ones. And I want them to hear the right ones.

At a recent gathering of friends everyone kept commenting on how smart my son was and how beautiful my daughter was. How strong my son was, and how pretty my little girl looked in her dress. She did look pretty and my son is strong (and smart) but why are those descriptors chosen for the genders? Not long after I came across this article: How to talk to little girls and it has changed how I talk to my daughter.

I want her to hear that she is beautiful, but also that she is smart, strong, patient, caring. That she is clever, funny and talented. As she grows up there are plenty of people who will judge her first on her looks, on her weight, on her clothes and who will tear her down if she is not conventionally pretty, thin and stylish. So I ask people when they spend time with her to compliment her on other things...usually the same things they compliment her brother on...

When we think about the words we use with our children, let's remember that just like they will pick up the swear words mommy uses when she drives they will pick up on the other words we use. They will internalize them. And we have a chance now, when they are young, to build them up so as they grow they will know they are more then a pretty smile.

What I Want for My Daughter

I love my kids equally. And I know they will both have struggles and tough times that have nothing to do with their genders. But I also know that because my son is male he will on average make 30% more then his sister if they go into the same profession. That because he is male he will have access to opportunities that she will not. That because he is male he will be able to have his work and his kids and not have to worry about being put on the "mommy track" at work. I am not a feminist...but I am also not blind.

For her, I want her to be confident enough to stand alone. To believe in herself enough to go after her dreams even when the cheering section is empty. To not define herself through the eyes of a man. To see her beauty when she looks in the mirror not her flaws. To know the sound of her own voice. To trust in her mind. To be "I" and not "we". To enter into relationships as a whole person, not a half seeking their whole.

It is why I tell her every day how strong she is before I tell her how beautiful and how smart she is, before I tell her how pretty.

Oh the things kids say...

My son woke up from his nap yesterday and was talking in his crib. Suddenly the talk turned into yells first for "dada". (He was walking the dog). Then to "nana" (she does not live with us). then to "PopPop" (also not someone who lives with us). Then "mama" and so I dried my hands and headed toward the nursery when suddenly the cries stopped.

Then in a quiet voice he called out "Jackcat?" (our cat's name obviously). I feel pretty good that I got called for before the cat...but pretty bad that I had clearly left him in his crib for so long he was reaching out to the pets for help.

Blue Poop?

Let me begin by saying I am not an earthy crunchy mom who feeds her kids only oraganic food and hasn't introduced refined sugar into their diets yet. I have always felt as long as they are getting what they need, what's the harm in processed food?

So this morning as I am changing my son's diaper I noticed his poop had some blue in it. Not like "I ate too many blue berries blue" but like bright unnaturally colored blue. At first I panicked and then I remember the large quantities of Crunch Berries he ate yesterday. And I laughed. Judge away :)

Ellipses

The word is from Ancient Greek and means "falling short". I think of it as those three periods that I can use to create run-on sentences at will. But I like its original meaning...that by using them, I am letting you the reader know that this sentence is going to fall short. That something is going to be omitted, or left out or left up to you.

I feel my life as a parent is an ellipses. Like I am constantly trying to play catch-up over falling short in some way. That while I am at work I am slowly being omitted from my children's lives...replaced by the real life version of three periods in a row.

I didn't see my son all day yesterday, left the house in the morning before he was awake and when I checked on him when I got home he had long been asleep. This morning he woke up early and his dad went to get him while I made myself a piece of toast and nursed the baby. When he came toddling out I gave him a big smile and said "good morning". His eyes got big and he revealed a toothy grin and came running over to me...took my toast...and headed back to his father.

Just another ... moment.