The most important thing

I got some bad news about my grandfather last night. At 92 his body is now in rapid decline and is being admitted to the hospital. As someone in their 30's I know how lucky I am to still have 3 biological and 2 step grandparents living. Most of friends have none. I think though because of not just their longevity but also their good health I have become spoiled. Taken for granted that they will always be there, because they always have. My grandfather has seen me graduate high school and college, go through numerous jobs before settling at a good firm where I have been for almost 10 years now. Seen me get married twice and give birth to two beautiful children. He has been to my house and given me advice on how to get rid of my crab grass (I just thought it was grass) and just last summer I sat with him and my grandmother, my son, my husband and my brother on the porch of their summer home and ate crab sandwiches my grandmother had made for our visit.

We talked about politics and the stock market and the impending birth of my daughter and as we drove away I never questioned that I might not sit with him on that porch again. I have taken that time for granted. That has been my mistake because time is the thing I can not get back.

I know I am a culprit of it, spent to much time wishing away days, weeks, months to get to something - a vacation, a holiday, a big presentation at work, the birth of my children. And something I have been working on for a few years...to be able to just enjoy time. And so when I got home last night at 9:30 I spent a few minutes watching my son sleep in his crib. I took the puppy out for an "extra" walk. I stayed up later then I should have catching up on the days events with my husband. And then I scooped up my sleeping daughter from her swing and brought her into bed with me my body curled in a C around hers.

And I flash back to that last lunch. How easy it was to spend the afternoon and then drive away. How easy to pretend that time won't change things. And I see my own children, growing up so quickly and know if we are lucky there will be a time in the future where they will be the ones driving away. Maybe if I recognize time as my most valuable possession I won't take it for granted anymore.