A Holiday Read - Shamless Self Promotion

I got my first novel published and it is now available on Amazon for purchase as a hard copy and soon as an e-book.  I wrote it when I was 15 and the publisher actually went back to the original manuscript and used that for publication.  It's not a super uplifting story but its a story about what it means to be a victim and a survivor and why maybe both suck.

If you are looking for a quick (good) read that will remind you what's like to be a teenager...and transport you back to the early 90's, you should totally check it out.  It's also up as an e-book:



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Mommy is trying SO hard NOT to lose her $h!T!

Ever feel like screaming so loud you'd lose your voice, want to pull your hair out, or beat your head against the wall?

These desires were mine this morning.

Let me first say that I LOVE MY CHILDREN TO DEATH! They are my first and last breath of the day. BUT the drive me FU&$!&G CRAZY!

I so desperately do not want to take my six year old's child like dreams and happiness away from her. BUT, there is a fine line between being non-stop silly and putting laughter on pause to listen and understand simple instructions.

Lately it seems that everything to my six year old is a big joke. AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!

I try so hard to utilize every ounce of patience in my body when listening to each laugh or giggle. I think to myself, "How hard is it to just get dressed?" I mean for crying out lout, my daughter has a better wardrobe selection than Macy's, and STILL she complains she has nothing to wear. BUT, no matter how eclectic my daughter's clothing selection, sometimes Mommy has to take a deep breath and walk out of the room... So that Mommy doesn't completely lose her $h!T!

I keep telling myself, "She is only six", "Cut her some slack", "Her silliness is part of who she is". If only she would take SOMETHING seriously.

My daughter wakes up giggling, laughs at her own jokes, and continuously shares these rituals with others. All of the previously mentioned things are beautiful parts of her personality. I'm happy she has such a positive outlook on life. That being said, these qualities also make it difficult for her to stay focused on getting herself dressed and ready for school in the morning. She
would rather share her latest adventure with me than finish her breakfast.

But I wonder if we the adults are the ones with the problem. We are always focused on what comes next. We try so hard to stick to a routine or schedule. Hurrying from one place to the next, we never really stop and live in the moment. We don't allow ourselves to completely let go and enjoy what is going on around us.

Maybe, just maybe...if we try to channel our inner child, our giggles and laughter... Maybe we could stop and be silly instead of completely losing our $h!T!

For my daughter

I hope that you are confident enough to follow your dreams. And know that if the man or woman you choose to be with belittles them, doesn't support them, or won't follow you/wait for you while you pursue them doesn't deserve the greatness that is you. And that you are strong enough to chose your dreams over that person...because the opportunities we have to chase our dreams don't always come back around...and I want your life to be full of fulfilled dreams, not empty regret.

Little Girls, Little Girls....

(the title should be song as in the Musical Annie )

As someone who loves language I spend a lot of time thinking about words. What they really mean. How we use them incorrectly to the point that they take on new meaning. The word decimate for example is used today to describe when one side destroys another in sports or war. When in fact to decimate means to take out 10% of an opponents troops/players/members. Which for the most part would not be that big of a deal. But I digress...

Having children has made think even more about words. Should I swear in front of my children? (Probably not but I do, frequently). Should I parrot the words they mispronounce back to them? (I am not sure what the party line is on this but I don't). Should I use cute shortened words for things - baba for bottle for example? (Again not sure the right answer, but I hate myself every time I do.) Words are important and I want my kids to hear real ones. And I want them to hear the right ones.

At a recent gathering of friends everyone kept commenting on how smart my son was and how beautiful my daughter was. How strong my son was, and how pretty my little girl looked in her dress. She did look pretty and my son is strong (and smart) but why are those descriptors chosen for the genders? Not long after I came across this article: How to talk to little girls and it has changed how I talk to my daughter.

I want her to hear that she is beautiful, but also that she is smart, strong, patient, caring. That she is clever, funny and talented. As she grows up there are plenty of people who will judge her first on her looks, on her weight, on her clothes and who will tear her down if she is not conventionally pretty, thin and stylish. So I ask people when they spend time with her to compliment her on other things...usually the same things they compliment her brother on...

When we think about the words we use with our children, let's remember that just like they will pick up the swear words mommy uses when she drives they will pick up on the other words we use. They will internalize them. And we have a chance now, when they are young, to build them up so as they grow they will know they are more then a pretty smile.

What I Want for My Daughter

I love my kids equally. And I know they will both have struggles and tough times that have nothing to do with their genders. But I also know that because my son is male he will on average make 30% more then his sister if they go into the same profession. That because he is male he will have access to opportunities that she will not. That because he is male he will be able to have his work and his kids and not have to worry about being put on the "mommy track" at work. I am not a feminist...but I am also not blind.

For her, I want her to be confident enough to stand alone. To believe in herself enough to go after her dreams even when the cheering section is empty. To not define herself through the eyes of a man. To see her beauty when she looks in the mirror not her flaws. To know the sound of her own voice. To trust in her mind. To be "I" and not "we". To enter into relationships as a whole person, not a half seeking their whole.

It is why I tell her every day how strong she is before I tell her how beautiful and how smart she is, before I tell her how pretty.