THREE Ways to make family trips extra special

So we have a few family trips planned this year, and as usual I am more excited than the kids!

Because I like the kids to share in my Kool-Aid happiness, I build up their pre-trip anticipation using a the three few following techniques:

1. The Count Down Chain
Now this little beauty is easy! Depending on your family's destination (ex: Disney, Sesame Place, or Beach trip) you start by gathering a list of facts or outings relevant to your trip.

I have googled facts on many destinations and I have never come up empty handed. Figure out how many days in advance you would like to start your count down chain, and gather 1 fact or outing for each link of the chain.

Once you have the appropriate number of chains, you put the chain together and hang it in a kid friendly place.

Create a ritual in the morning or evening by reading one of the links each day until you leave on your vacation. Not only does this help younger kids improve their reading skills, but it also helps them understand the amount of time they have before their trip while getting them all pumped up.

2. The Swag Bag
This is one of my favorites and comes in handy with long car rides and plane trips.

Simply start with a gift bag, travel bag, or back pack. Visit your local Dollar Store, Christmas Tree Shop or Target and pick up some old school mechanisms to occupy your child's time. I love to include coloring / puzzle books, crayons, stickers, snacks, glow sticks, sunglasses, and suntan loation. You can even buy these items in the theme of your trip. The Dollar Store is a great resource for Disney, Sesame, or Beach theme items.

When we traveled to Disney one year I filled the bags with hula skirts and leis for the luau at The Polynesian, a bandana for the Hoop Dee Doo Review, an autograph book and pen, and a book with all of the Disney fairy tale classics. It was a great way to build up the anticipation for our trip, and the kids loved it!

Check out www.parrottcanvas.net for great deals on totes with free embroidery for your swag bags!

3. Custom Snacks !!Yummy!!
If you are like myself and lack the time or skills to make custom cookies or snacks, have no fear! Any local bakery or mom and pop vendor could help out with this inexpensive extra. I can suggest an easy do-it-yourself snack: for our Sesame Place trip this year I am adding themed snacks to the swag bags. I printed out character faces on sticker paper that I found online for Elmo, Cookie Monster, and Big Bird. Next, I picked up some sandwich bags to adhere the faces to. For Big Bird I included gummy worms, Elmo gets gold fish, and Cookie Monster gets cookie crisp cereal. They came out adorable and very convenient snacks for the car ride to PA.

One year for Disney I ordered the girls favorite characters as cookies. And we ate them in the car on the way to the airport, with some left over for the plane ride. After all it's a vacation!

These little extras above don't take much time or money, and they add your special touch while creating fond memories for your kids.

I believe it's the little things that help make an experience more memorable and special!

For my daughter

I hope that you are confident enough to follow your dreams. And know that if the man or woman you choose to be with belittles them, doesn't support them, or won't follow you/wait for you while you pursue them doesn't deserve the greatness that is you. And that you are strong enough to chose your dreams over that person...because the opportunities we have to chase our dreams don't always come back around...and I want your life to be full of fulfilled dreams, not empty regret.

Pay to send my child to college OR just buy them a house?

So I was reading this article,"What's so bad about American parents, anyway?". (http://fb.trove.com/fbwapolabs/mobile/me/channels/trending/content/qk3nE?ref=web_canvas&fb_action_ids=3240090996891%2C10150837165788356&fb_action_types=news.reads&fb_source=other_multiline)

It basically compares American Parents to French and Japanese parents.... Interesting read if you refer to the URL above. Anyway, it reminded me of a discussion my husband and I had recently regarding saving for college.

The article speculates that American parents think if they get their child into a good college, they will graduate, get a good job and be happy.

Now I believe in a solid quality education. However, I don't necessarily
believe that a college degree (on its own) is the key to anyone's future happiness.

Let me explain a theory I've been pondering lately. These days, so many young adults graduate without knowing if they will even be able to get a job to pay off their 150-200k in student loans. They stress about credit card bills, car payments, and weather or not they will end up living with their parents forever due to employment uncertainty.

My husband and I plan on helping our girls attend college when the time comes. However, we are not willing to spend our life savings to do so.

In discussing the process in which we plan to save money for two college tuitions, we came up with some very important questions.

Number 1: Do we take on a second mortgage to send our children to college, and relieve them of as much future debt as possible?

Number 2: Do we send our child to an ivy league school (taking on 100s of thousands in debt) if they want to become a school teacher or business major (and not a lawyer or doctor, because plenty of state schools that are more affordable have outstanding programs)

Number 3: Or do we save as much as we can for them (while still saving for our own retirement) and have them take on loans and grants themselves?

You'd think the answer is easy, in my opinion it's complicated and contains shades of grey.

I've learned something over the past year. The bottom line seems to be this: an adult needs a steady income to support their family and put a roof over their heads. People are struggling more now than ever just to own a home and maintain steady employment. Given the economy, people settle for jobs outside of their original career path simply to pay the bills.

My husband and I got to thinking. Perhaps our financial plans should be this: save what we can for our girls to go to school (while they pay the bulk through student loans, grants, and scholarships), and plan to also purchase a starter home for each of them.

Think we are crazy? I ask you to ponder this: If you put your own financial well being in jeopardy to send your children to college (to shelter them from their own financial debt) what good are you really doing them?

Because if as parents, in your senior years you can not support yourselves
(due to over paying your share of college tuition), you end up being more of a burden to your children. And not just financially, but emotionally and mentally.

My husband and I want to give our girls the best of opportunities to begin their adult lives. But not at the cost of hurting ourselves, which in return will end up hurting them... Causing more harm than good...even to know that is not the intention.

The most important thing

I got some bad news about my grandfather last night. At 92 his body is now in rapid decline and is being admitted to the hospital. As someone in their 30's I know how lucky I am to still have 3 biological and 2 step grandparents living. Most of friends have none. I think though because of not just their longevity but also their good health I have become spoiled. Taken for granted that they will always be there, because they always have. My grandfather has seen me graduate high school and college, go through numerous jobs before settling at a good firm where I have been for almost 10 years now. Seen me get married twice and give birth to two beautiful children. He has been to my house and given me advice on how to get rid of my crab grass (I just thought it was grass) and just last summer I sat with him and my grandmother, my son, my husband and my brother on the porch of their summer home and ate crab sandwiches my grandmother had made for our visit.

We talked about politics and the stock market and the impending birth of my daughter and as we drove away I never questioned that I might not sit with him on that porch again. I have taken that time for granted. That has been my mistake because time is the thing I can not get back.

I know I am a culprit of it, spent to much time wishing away days, weeks, months to get to something - a vacation, a holiday, a big presentation at work, the birth of my children. And something I have been working on for a few years...to be able to just enjoy time. And so when I got home last night at 9:30 I spent a few minutes watching my son sleep in his crib. I took the puppy out for an "extra" walk. I stayed up later then I should have catching up on the days events with my husband. And then I scooped up my sleeping daughter from her swing and brought her into bed with me my body curled in a C around hers.

And I flash back to that last lunch. How easy it was to spend the afternoon and then drive away. How easy to pretend that time won't change things. And I see my own children, growing up so quickly and know if we are lucky there will be a time in the future where they will be the ones driving away. Maybe if I recognize time as my most valuable possession I won't take it for granted anymore.

I do not really need all these fancy things...

High-end car. Flat screen tv. Big house. Brand name clothing. Smart phone. iPad. Extravagant vacations... Why do we long for such trinkets and treasures?

I wonder what it would be like to have been my age and be raising a family a couple of decades ago?

It's not that I don't love my job, or feel satisfaction from a hard days work. It's nice to have something that is just mine during the course of a day.

That being said, I love my kids more. I wish I didn't "want" so many things.
But I guess it's natural to long for what everyone around you has. It doesn't make wanting materialistic things rational. It is simply just the reality.

I want my kids to have the things my parents couldn't give me. I want to expose them to various experiences and places. I want them to have a better life.

But, on the other-hand, when it comes down to what really matters, you need love, family, shelter, clothing and food.

The "common reality" of having a duo working household making for less of a burden on just one person, man or woman, may just be a cruel illusion.

The realization I'm coming to appreciate is that we can make our own reality...

We just have to separate the things in life we "need" versus the things in life we merely just "want".

Little Girls, Little Girls....

(the title should be song as in the Musical Annie )

As someone who loves language I spend a lot of time thinking about words. What they really mean. How we use them incorrectly to the point that they take on new meaning. The word decimate for example is used today to describe when one side destroys another in sports or war. When in fact to decimate means to take out 10% of an opponents troops/players/members. Which for the most part would not be that big of a deal. But I digress...

Having children has made think even more about words. Should I swear in front of my children? (Probably not but I do, frequently). Should I parrot the words they mispronounce back to them? (I am not sure what the party line is on this but I don't). Should I use cute shortened words for things - baba for bottle for example? (Again not sure the right answer, but I hate myself every time I do.) Words are important and I want my kids to hear real ones. And I want them to hear the right ones.

At a recent gathering of friends everyone kept commenting on how smart my son was and how beautiful my daughter was. How strong my son was, and how pretty my little girl looked in her dress. She did look pretty and my son is strong (and smart) but why are those descriptors chosen for the genders? Not long after I came across this article: How to talk to little girls and it has changed how I talk to my daughter.

I want her to hear that she is beautiful, but also that she is smart, strong, patient, caring. That she is clever, funny and talented. As she grows up there are plenty of people who will judge her first on her looks, on her weight, on her clothes and who will tear her down if she is not conventionally pretty, thin and stylish. So I ask people when they spend time with her to compliment her on other things...usually the same things they compliment her brother on...

When we think about the words we use with our children, let's remember that just like they will pick up the swear words mommy uses when she drives they will pick up on the other words we use. They will internalize them. And we have a chance now, when they are young, to build them up so as they grow they will know they are more then a pretty smile.

What I Want for My Daughter

I love my kids equally. And I know they will both have struggles and tough times that have nothing to do with their genders. But I also know that because my son is male he will on average make 30% more then his sister if they go into the same profession. That because he is male he will have access to opportunities that she will not. That because he is male he will be able to have his work and his kids and not have to worry about being put on the "mommy track" at work. I am not a feminist...but I am also not blind.

For her, I want her to be confident enough to stand alone. To believe in herself enough to go after her dreams even when the cheering section is empty. To not define herself through the eyes of a man. To see her beauty when she looks in the mirror not her flaws. To know the sound of her own voice. To trust in her mind. To be "I" and not "we". To enter into relationships as a whole person, not a half seeking their whole.

It is why I tell her every day how strong she is before I tell her how beautiful and how smart she is, before I tell her how pretty.